Three Essental First Date Tips For Men
These days a first date is more of a James Bond mission than an easy-breezy endeavour. Here are 3 dating tips to help you steer clear of failure
In a previous article on how to flirt with women you have learned that buying drinks is the one thing to avoid when trying to establish a connection with a woman. Mind you that this essential dating advice aims at women you have never met before and that you are talking to for the first time ever. And since the advice was about (not) buying drinks it is limited more or less to a nightlife setting.
Nightlife And Beyond
This being said, what are the essential dating tips for non-nightlife encounters? Rather, what are the essential dating tips for a scnenario where you meet a girl and then set up a later time to meet up elsewhere?
When not buying drinks for girls comes with a good portion of dating theory attached to it then even more so for a first date. This article brings you 3 field-tested first date tips for men including a look behind the curtains. Explaining why the tips work will help you get a better understanding of the same social mechanism that come to effect at principally every date you go on, no matter whether you are 18 or 58.
We are starting off with 2 dating tips that any man should apply before he even goes on the date. The fist two tips about (1) setting up the right time for a first date and (2) not going on dinner dates aim at the outer frame of the date, not at the actual date itself. The third tip will help you when you are right in the trenches, battling your way to a hopefully successful night in a bar, a nightclub or simply on a park bench sharing a bottle of red wine.
Implement these tips into your dating trick portfolio and leave a comment in the comment section at the end of the artcile if one of the dating tips has worked for you. Enough said, let’s get right into it.
3 Essential First Date Tips For Men
1. Schedule The Date For As Late As Possible
“What’s the perfect time for a first date?” Answer: midnight. No kidding.
In fact, the later the time for your date, the higher your chances for success of whatever kind. Why is that? To understand why scheduling your date for a later time during the evening, say at around 21.00 or 22.00, comes with a massive upside one only has to imagine going on a date at 15.00. What romantic feelings do you think will blossom a couple of hours into the afternoon? None will. To the contrary, the night is time of letting go, of getting sensual, of debauchery.
Giving It A Go
The next time you are setting up a first date suggest to meet up at no earlier than 22.30, preferably out on the street and not inside a venue.
22.30 is a great time because it is not too late like anything past midnight would be, thus leaving enough time for flirting and escalating before the
sun will come up again. At the same time it is not too early and will eliminate the danger of having the standard routine of the 20.00 date that ends an hour after midnight and will lead nowhere.
Setting up a ‘late night date’ is a great trick to test out how the evening will most likely go down. Suggest a really late date, because you have to “work until late” and then wait for her repsonse:
A girl replying with:
That late? But then there will be only little time – I got to work tomorrow!
…never had any intention to go back to your place even if the night went well. She was seeing the date as some kind of nonchalant evening entertainment – preferably with you buying her drinks.
On the other hand a girl not hesitating to meet you close to midnight around that one street corner that both of you know is literally down for whatever. From here on you won’t have to create any attraction or impress her or anything like that. All you need to do is not to kick yourself out of the game by some silly rookie mistake.
Setting up a first date at a (really) late time works in your favor as automatically creates a more intimate and “open” atmosphere. It will also help you weed out those girls who were never really interested in you in the first place.
2. No “Dinner Dates”
Here is the oldest rule of thumb for any first date you may ever go on:
Eating isn’t sexy
Why is eating not sexy? Isn’t that (1) counter intuitive? Isn’t going out for dinner (2) creating a nice and intimate atmosphere where you can talk in private, get to know each other and all that? And isn’t eating, as Thorstein Veblen told us, (3) probably the oldest and socially most significant activity known to mankind?
Eating Will Make You “Lose Appetite”
Yes, no and yes. Eating may well be an important factor in socializing, but in 99% of all cases will eating help socialize with people you already know. Eating with “strangers” actually can be quite the intimate thing to do – something that may create a painfully intimate atmosphere when there is no familiar atmosphere at all.
Why is that? Because by the definition of a first date will you not know the girl that well. And even still, there is more to it. Not only will having dinner fill you up and make you less “hungry for more” in the most figurative meaning of the term, eating as a tip for a first date is completely useless for two other reasons.
First, you might be in for the classic date scam where a girl suggests going to a restaurant only to vanish within seconds once you paid for the bill. The other reason is the mind-numbing atmosphere created by eating on a first date. In short, the average dinner date will get you nowhere.
The Average Dinner Date Leads Nowhere
Imagine you would actually go on a dinner date. How would you do it?
Perhaps something similar to what you have seen on TV or what you read in not-so-good men’s magazines: man and woman sitting across from each other, divided by plates, cutlery and a waiter regularly interrupting them, asking if everything was “alright”.
No, nothing is alright — in fact, if there was one guarantee for a first date desaster then it is probably this very scenario.
A Job Interview?
The average dinner date will not create an atmosphere of intimacy, it will create a job interview. The picture below shows you everything that is wrong with eating on a first date: two people that do not know each other so well are separated from each other by an anonymous table, facing each other as if they were negotiating a business deal.
This Is Not A Job Interview
Therefore, whenever you are going to have a snack – not dinner – during a date or whenever you are sitting down at the bar and you can somewhat sense that your date is expecting you to sit across from her you will sit down right next to her where you belong. If she looks confused, mumbling something like “…I thought you were going to (…)” then the ony thing you will say is: “Hey, this is not a job interview”. Problem solved.
3. Do A Venue Change
Our third first date tip for men is applied not in preparation for the date, i.e. in setting up the right time and the right place, but during the date. This third dating tip is no trick or special casanovaa technique but it will nonetheless offer you crucial insight into what your date really thinks about you. Here is how you do it.
Having A Peek At Her Hand
You can suggest a venue change in a small version or in a large version. Both versions follow the same concept, but will have slighty different effects.
The Small Venue Change
This one you can apply as early as 15 minutes into the date. All you need to do is to tell your date to slightly change her location. Here’s the how-to: Imagine you are standing at bar with your date to your left. You have just received your drinks and are about to engage in conversation. A couple of minutes into the conversation you tell her to move around you to the other side because you “cannot hear her so well” or
any other reason. You yourself will remain where you are.
What Does It Do?
Is she moving around you, eager to maintain the conversation? Or is she reluctant, wondering why you would ask something from her? Whatever it is, the outcome works in your favor. Either you have validation that she is into you by qualifying to you through moving around. In that case you have even her attraction to you. In the case she replies with “why?” or “No, it’s alright” you picked up a warning signal that you might be wasting your time here. Watch how the night develops and if more warning signs come up consider ejecting.
The Large Venue Change
The large venue change is an actual venue change. This dating tip is to be applied not early on in the date, but after some time has passed. What you do is simply suggest going to another location: “Let’s go to the other bar where they serve [mention a cool drink like Absinthe]”, “I think they have this cool new band playing over at [name of bar]” – whatever it is, the idea is to have her leave the current
venue with you.
What Does It Do?
Why do the large venue change? For one, it also is a compliance test, meaning you can test the waters on how much attraction there really is. Second, entering a second venue in the same night will create what the Americans call momentum: You have now a first “shared experience”, it basically is like going on a second date in the same night. Your date will feel like she has been around you for more than the 1,5 half hours that she actually has been around you. The effect this has on her comfort when being around you is immense.