How To Flirt With Women – At A Bar
Learn about the most basic flirting tip that you can apply right now and that will immediately increase your dating success
Yes, you read that right: “the most basic flirting tip” and “immediately increase your success”. Does it get any cornier than that? As if places like the internet weren’t already overflowing with advice on how to flirt with women, how to “score”, how to “bang hot chicks” or whatever.
Most Men Lack Even The Basics
Yet if it’s true — it’s true. In fact, there is a distinct number of rookie mistakes that men all over the world make on a daily basis when they are flirting with women. Why do they do that? Because they just don’t know better. Since their parents are most concerned with passing onto them the societal pressure they receive themselves, and since schools and universities have turned into holy grails of political correctness no one ever told them how to flirt with women. Not even the basics. Not even one hint at how to get the job done. Nada.
To make it short, when it comes to flirting techniques the average man is as helpless as a dog in hot water (I just made that one up).
Turning The Tables On The Dating Game
With the downside of dating and flirting becoming semi-sciences comes a natural upside: the harder amd more complicated dating and flirting get, the easier it will be to analyze them with quasi-scientific means. There are authors like German Hermann Hesse who will write that “A magic dwells in each beginning“, but be advised that the next time you are talking to a girl there will be no magical beginning, not even a genuine interaction, but a cultural pattern being executed.
What Makes Mistakes Mistakes
Luck has it that this is just where this article comes in.
Let’s debunk three of the most common misconceptions in regard to how to flirt with women and let us also have a look at the reasons that make these misconceptions become actual mistakes.
Behind The Scenes
By exposing the underlying mechanism that contribute so much to why you fail with women we are grabbing the problem by the horns. We are moving the focus away from that one particular girl in that one particular situation and will have a look at the patterns that remain the same no matter where you are. Why is that beneficial to you? Because it allows you to adapt to any situation imaginable: applying the following tips you no longer rely on that one cool move or that one witty reply in that one special moment. Instead, you will learn about something that will work anywhere, with any girl.
Ready? Here comes the first dating advice about one move that should be a definite part of your past.
The number one advice on how to flirt with women is as simple as it is effective. From now on you should simply consider doing the following when out and out on a promising friday night:
It really is that simple. I am aware that basically every Hollywood movie, every TV show and every men’s magazine out there will tell you otherwise. Yet in real life things don’t work that way. Advice to “send over a drink” to a girl you desire might just work in a James Bond movie. In reality, however, sending over a drink in silence while having the bartender say the drink came from you is nothing but the ultimate recipe for disaster.
Let’s dissect the average friday night scenario so we can get to the bottom of things.
1. The Situation
At The Bar
Imagine yourself standing at the counter of a bar, looking to order yourself a drink. Now imagine a female coming up to your right, looking to do the same. While she hasn’t noticed you yet, you have definitely taken notice of her: she looks sweet, to say the least.
So… ‘What Are You Drinking?’
If asking “What are you drinking?” while hinting at the fact that you are willing to buy her a drink is among the things you do half-way into a conversation or then stop right there, amigo. Why? Because you are acting like a greenhorn who is about to shoot himself in the foot. The only thing worse than trying to establish some kind of connection through buying drinks would be to initiate the conversation by offering to buy her a drink.
Do Not Buy, Do Not Send
Sending over a bottle of Champagne while the bartender nods into your direction might work in a James Bond movie. In real life, however, it is a dead-sure recipe for failure.
2. Why It Is Wrong
Ahh, women. Always complaining about how men “objectify” them and treat them as “sex objects”. Speaking of objectification – you wanna know whothe biggest ‘objectifer’ the world has ever seen? Women!
Two Categories Of Men
Before you have made that split-second decision whether to go after that girl at the counter or not she has already obectified you beyond belief. Regardless of what you look like, what you say or what you think of yourself, she has already seen your innermost nature and will treat you accordingly.
Provider Or Lover
According to what she saw she has then either put the provider-label, aka the ‘beta-male’, or the lover-label aka ‘alpha-male’, on you. If you thought men were good at cold reading then little do you know about women: your eyes, your posture, the tonality of your voice, all of this is brought together within a millisecond in order to have you qualify as the harmelss hug bear – or as the ‘dangerous’ alpha male that might just find its way into her, yes, pants. You can now take a wild guess what categoty offering her drink, i.e. offering to comfort, soothe and provide for her, will put you in.
Buying drinks for girls that you have no connection with is the clearest signal for them to put you into the provider category. Meaning, your chances of getting/seeing any phone number/action have reached rock-bottom, a demise carefully engineered by none other than yourself.
3. The Workaround
Here is how to deal with the matter in regard to girls you have just met. In a situation where the topic of drinks might come up you can either
1. Neglect it (if there is chemistry)
2. Do a preemptive strike
3. Do a counter attack
A. The Preemptive Strike
This one takes the wind out of her sails should you sense she will be asking for drinks: before she asks you will ask. Telling her something like:
I’m having a Martini, by the way. They do accept credit cards.
while nodding into the direction of the barkeeper will work just fine. Do this in a half-way sincere manner and her asking for drinks is out of the equation.
B. The Counter Attack
This is for when she did ask you to buy a drink. Saying something like: “Yes, I would buy you a drink, but that would imply us making love in the restroom” will counter her attempt to beta-tize you by slapping her across the face through sexualizing the conversation.
She can now either take the bait and go for some sexualized banter (win) or she can withdraw her request for drinks (win).